When Clients Trigger You:
Understanding the Difference Between Empathy and Projection
I once had a client who reminded me deeply of my mother. She carried similar struggles to the ones my mum had lived with, and because I was unable to help my own mother in the way I had wished at the time, something unconscious awakened in me. Without realising it, I held a quiet promise inside myself that I would help this woman, and that by helping her, I might somehow, in some symbolic way, be healing my mother too. I became far too emotionally attached to the client and her situation. When she did not follow my suggestions or complete the work I encouraged her to do, I found myself feeling frustrated and even cross. My emotions became tangled with hers, and eventually the attachment became so strong that I could no longer continue the treatment in a healthy way.
I felt deeply disappointed in myself. Not because I cared too much, but because I had allowed my own unresolved pain to blur the clarity that my client needed from me. But with time and experience, my understanding has changed completely.
Being triggered by a client doesn’t make you unprofessional. It makes you human. This form of projection, where you unintentionally project your own emotions onto your client, is know as countertransference. Countertransference is not a failure of practice, it’s information. It shows you where your boundaries are. It highlights tender places within you, reflecting parts of your own story that may still be asking for care and attention. These reactions are not signs that you are doing something wrong; they’re invitations to look a little deeper into yourself with honesty.
The difficulty arises when we respond to these moments with judgment. Many therapists begin to doubt themselves, questioning their professionalism for having emotional responses just like the one I had. They try to suppress what they feel instead of understanding it. But what we push away doesn’t just disappear; it waits quietly and often returns in less conscious ways.
When a client triggers something inside you, the most important step is not to criticise yourself or deny the feeling, but to pause and reflect. Ask yourself what this interaction is awakening in you. Ask whether the emotional response truly belongs to this moment or whether it echoes something older. Often what feels like a reaction to the client is actually a mirror revealing an unresolved experience within ourselves.
This kind of self inquiry requires courage, to meet yourself without armour. Yet this is where real growth as a therapist takes place. When you begin to recognise your inner responses with compassion rather than resistance, your work transforms. You become more grounded, more present, and more ethically clear.
Countertransference can also reveal your deepest values. Sometimes irritation arises when your boundaries feel tested, or insecurity appears when a client reflects a familiar wound. These signals are not weaknesses. They’re guides, pointing towards areas within you that are asking to be strengthened or softened.
There’s tremendous freedom in allowing yourself to be both a professional and a human being at the same time. You don’t need to become emotionally blank in order to be effective. You just need to learn how to stay committed whilst staying detached, remembering that while we are there for the client, that client also has their own free will. We must find that balance and respect it. But this doesn’t mean becoming a robot. In fact, the more authentically and lovingly you meet your own inner world, the safer your clients will feel in sharing theirs.
Self compassion is not something separate from your clinical skill, it’s part of it. When you learn to accept your own discomfort, your capacity to hold space for others grows naturally. The therapeutic space becomes more authentic, less defended, and more alive.
You don’t have to be perfect to be a powerful therapist, but it is really important that you are willing to keep meeting yourself with truth and care.