The Subtle Art of Asking the Right Questions
Over the years, I have learned that some of the most meaningful moments in a session come from a single, simple question that raise from genuine interest from the therapist, with clear intention and then ability to listen.
As therapists, we are taught techniques, protocols, and frameworks, but the art of questioning is something that develops with experience. A question can open a door a client did not know was closed. It can soften resistance, reveal a pattern, or bring something unspoken into awareness. Yet the power is rarely in the wording itself. It’s more about the right timing, tone, and the relationship you have built in that moment.
When I was younger in my practice, I sometimes thought I needed to ask sophisticated questions to be effective and build trust with client by proving that I know what I’m doing. With time, I realised that the most transformative questions are often very simple. What matters is that they arise from real listening and working with clear intention in the session. When you are fully present and are attuned to the client’s breath, posture and emotional state, the right question often comes naturally.
Asking questions is not just about extracting information, but also, or even mostly about inviting exploration. It requires humility and genuine curiosity that cannot be faked or forced. Clients feel when a question comes from a place of authentic care or when it comes from technique alone. When your intention is to truly understand and support, your listening changes because you hear not only what is said, but also what’s withheld. You notice shifts in the body, pauses in speech, changes in energy.
This is something I explore in much greater depth in my Mastering Powerful Communication Masterclass. We look at how presence, listening and timing shape the way we communicate with clients, and how the questions we ask can either open space or unintentionally close it. The focus is not on scripts or techniques, but on developing awareness and confidence so communication feels authentic, responsive and grounded in genuine connection.
I have witnessed how a gentle question can help a client recognise something they have carried for years without words. Sometimes a question brings relief, sometimes tears, sometimes even silence. All of these are valuable. Silence is often where integration begins.
For me, asking the right question is an act of respect. It says I am here with you and for you. I truly want to know how you are and how I can help. It’s not my intention to rush you or assume anything. This approach creates safety, and safety is what allows real change to unfold.
The quality of your questions is closely linked to the quality of your presence. When you feel grounded and connected to your purpose, your questions come from a place of clarity rather than anxiety. When you feel rushed or disconnected, questions can become mechanical. This is why self awareness is as important as technique in our work.
Your soft curiosity can truly open the door to your client, helping them feel cared for and important. Your willingness and skill in listening without agenda is often what makes the difference between a session that feels pleasant and one that feels transformative.